I wanted to write a post from the foster dads perspective because I dont feel the foster dads perspective is portrayed very often. As a foster dad I honestly had no idea what to expect. Everyone gave me their 2 cents on foster care and what to expect, but none of them had ever done foster care. “Dont do it, you will get your heart broke, those kids will grow up to have drug problems. Think about their current problems, can you handle that? What if their parents come after you?” I had all of these phrases and then some said to me. Let alone the thoughts in my own head. “Can I actually do this? Am I patient enough? Is my family safe? Can my wife handle this? How can I attach to a child thats not even mine?” All these thoughts rolled through my head over and over again as we pushed through our training. I felt like I had no one to really sit down and talk with about my worries of becoming a foster parent. Thats where the inspiration for this post came.
As you read in our last post we had quite the time trying to become parents. To say that I was exhausted with talking about having kids is an understatement. It became a hard subject to talk about, but through Anne’s gentle encouragement I slowly came around to the idea. As she said earlier we ruled out having kids the typical way pretty quick. This was honestly a bit of a relief to me. I didn’t have to stress and worry about loosing my sweet Anne in a pregnancy or losing another child to a miscarriage. I couldn’t deal with the grief that comes with that yet again. So obviously the next logical step was adoption but holy crap was that expensive! Especially, considering our already tight budget. I wanted to take a few more years and save, save, save until we could afford to adopt through an agency. It was going to take a long time and anyone who knows Anne and I knows that we are not the most patient people. Still that was our plan. Until one day Anne’s brother (who I will forever be grateful for) asked if we had ever considered foster care. We spouted off all the typical answers, our hearts will break, its so unpredictable, I dont really know anything about it, but the seed had been planted.
We started talking about foster care more and more. “Can we actually do this? Are we going to be ok if our hearts break? Is our friends, family, and ourselves going to be safe from the bio parents? Are we ok with reunification.” We went round and round with these questions. We talked and talked and prayed and honestly got nowhere. Until one day I took all those questions out of the equation and asked myself one very simple question. If I were walking down the street and I passed one of these kids who needed a home would I take them in…… I sat in silence pondering that simple question that had the potential to change my life. The answer was yes. Not just yes but absolutely yes. Things got really simple after that and we buckled down and got our certification done as fast as we could. I say we but really Anne was the rock star when it came to getting our certification. We were each others rock through the certification and home study process. Because after you decide your going down this path you have a minimum of 3 months to rethink everything. Trust me when I say we definitely had our moments of “theres no way we can do this” but each time we reverted back to that question. “Would I give them a home if I passed them on the street.” That kept us focused and motivated throughout the process.
BOOM!!!! We were certified and 3 weeks later we got a phone call. I remember I had set my phone down at work for all of about 5 minutes while I was helping a customer. When I sat back down I had 3 missed calls from Anne and a text saying to call her right away. I’ll never forget that. I shakily picked up my phone and practically ran outside avoiding eye contact with everyone in hopes that no one would distract me from this priceless moment. I called Anne “Hey honey, whats up?” “Its happening, I just got a call they have a little boy in the NICU thats currently detoxing and in need of a home.” (my chest was pounding at this point) “We have an hour to decide, what are your thoughts….. ?” My first thought wanted to be yes but the reservation in me had to ask the questions. “What is his family status? What is he detoxing from. Is there any kinship?” Anne had all the answers and after she answered them it was a no brainer. “Yes, when can we meet him?”
It took about a week before everything was sorted out on the states side, but on March 5 I got to meet my little boy. Yes, I said MY little boy. Did he come from me, no. Was he going to stay with me forever, I didn’t know. Did he look like me, not at all. But in that moment there was a connection. A connection that made him part of me and my life. He was my first, he made me a dad. He made an impact on my life. March 5 changed my life forever. I am so grateful we said yes to foster care, because if we didn’t I would have never meet this outstanding little boy.
