Nothing can prepare you for this part, the part where everything is final. Throughout the process you focus on the good, you celebrate the beautiful reunion that is about to happen. Then once it happens & everything calms down, it hits you. You are no longer apart of their everyday life. You don’t get updates on how they are doing. You aren’t their comfort anymore.
I’ll be honest, my heart has never hurt like this. I woke up feeling like a part of me was missing. I don’t know how to do everyday without his sweet smile & loving spirit.
I don’t say all this for attention, or sympathy. I say this because I want to be real with you guys. We talk a lot about the happy, and the good. Unfortunately it isn’t all that way, there are two parts. The happy & the heartbreak. Currently we are living the heartbreak. Yes, reunification is beautiful. Yes, it was what was best for our boy. But right now, it hurts. For us as foster parents its not the visits, bio families or back and forth that is the hardest part. It’s after that end goal is met & the child leaves our home. The hard truth is, a families beautiful reunion is also our heartbreaking loss.
So what do we do now? How do we move forward? Honestly I’m figuring most of that out as I go. All I know is we grieve. We take time. We breakdown. Its okay to be mad and hate foster care right now. Its a hard path to navigate! Its okay to be mad at the process. It’s going to take time to be okay, it’s supposed to. So in the meantime we keep the memories close & take it a day at a time. Then eventually, we heal. After the grief passes we will remember why it’s all worth it. We will remember we chose the hard path for a reason, for the kids.